So...hi..how are ya? I havent done anything here in a really long time, mostly because Im a lazy fuck (sorry) but I do check in about once a month to respond to some messages and particularly intriguing image comments and whatnot. I really should personally thank each and every one of you every time you say something incredibly spiritually uplifting and compelling..like "dat ass"... but we already covered how lazy I am...
So I log in tonight (this morning? 5am? I should be asleep) and find that I have 60+ comments to go through on a single image. (this one, by the way: [link]) WHOA. I kept seeing a lot of "this is stupid, I dont like it, why am I being forced to look at this?!" and was confused as to how and why someone who doesnt like bondage/bad photography/my work/etc would even wind up on my page and...whos forcing them to look at it?
Then I saw a comment reference that I got a DD with it. OH. Okay, neat.
Turns out comments tend to make a lot more sense when youre looking at them under the actual image, rather than just in your abbreviated "comments" section, just FYI the next time youre trying to follow a dozen or so people who are having a conversation WITH EACH OTHER on your photo.
So basically, 9/10 (Im making that up) people dont like my photo. Thats fine. I dont like their faces. We're even.
10/10 (Im making that up) people who didnt like my photo, felt the burning sensation in their nether regions by which I mean their fingers because theyre obviously not evolved enough to be granted the ability to procreate yet, to spew all over the comments section just how much they dont like my photo. This is the reverse beetlejuice effect, if you scream "THIS SUCKS!" three times, it will magically go away. Neat huh? Too bad I also made that up...my bad art is still there and youre still pointlessly personally offended, so much so that you kept looking at it, building your hateful rage about it. See a doctor if it lasted more than four hours.
I really dont care if you dont like my photos, if you dont like my idea of art, if you dont like the photographers I work with, if you think Im ugly, too skinny, pretend to mistake me for a boy as an attempt to insult me and feign wittiness at the same time (PS: you failed)
I didnt put my photos on the internet for YOU PERSONALLY to approve of them. Do I hope people like them? Sure. Will I lock myself in the bathroom with a razor blade and a portishead record on repeat crying in the bathtub if you dont like them? No. Thats my regular tuesday night minus the crying and the razor blade, I love hot baths and music to hang yourself to.
Basically what Im getting at is I dont care if you dont like it. Im not going to stop doing it or take it down if you dont like it. Its still there, *I* still like it, and that was the only opinion that ever mattered to me in the first place. I put it online so that it can reach the other people who may like it as well and we can all be happy bunnies together. Your time would be better spent finding something that you DO like so that you can be a happy bunny too. If you REALLY want to keep telling me you dont like it, thats fine, but its a waste of all of our time and it wont actually change anything, except my opinion of your IQ maybe.
Some people struck me as maybe genuinely ignorant of what the photo was all about, and thats why they were having a tough time finding appreciation for it. Art SHOULD make you think, make you question. If you ask the question, think about it, and still cant figure it out on your own, youre probably not going to gain an appreciation for it, so let me try to help you out. Youre still welcome to hate it when Im done, if you feel so inclined.
-"I dont get it"
Thats not actually a complete thought. Dont get WHAT? Why Im standing there? Why Im in a hotel room? Why Im wearing black boots instead of red ones? Why MX+B=Y?
-"I think the photography sucks."
Welp, now we're getting somewhere...sorta.
Photography, like every other thing in the whole art world, is entirely up to taste. And theres no accounting for taste.
"Its too grainy"
Perhaps thats intentional? Perhaps that adds a certain...je ne sais quoi? Perhaps Melvin is just a hack? I dunno, youd have to ask him. But I dont mind the grain. I like it. Remember what I said about my opinion being the only one I give half a fuck for? Yeah Im really into myself.
"This is cliche"
For someone who obviously looks at a LOT of bondage images (you wouldnt be able to find a bound woman cliche unless youd seen enough of them to know that theyre common...and by common I mean only among bondage imagery, so I guess you come here often?) Im surprised THIS is your idea of "worst". But if you think tied up chicks is cliche...what are you doing here again?
"The background is distracting/stupid"
Its a hotel room. Not the penthouse suite either. But you know what? I like it. Beyond that, not everything needs to be neat and tidy and tucked into a professional photography studio. Shooting on location often lends to story telling, would you like to hear a story? Here goes...
- "what is this supposed to mean? It hasnt evoked any emotion in me."
Now heres something I can actually work with. What does this mean? I cant answer what it means to you, but I can tell you what *I* see when I look at this image. Keep in mind its not I felt when it was being taken (it was just another day at work, posing for photos) and its probably not what Melvin saw while he was taking it (probably just another day doing what he does, taking photos of girls) and its probably not what Melvin may or may not feel when he looks at it now, and its probably not what 209759827598236492364 (im making that up) people think or feel when they look at it. So dont take my words as gospel, its just my personal thoughts.
I'll start with the title I picked, since some commenters took it incredibly literally (and looked stupid in the process)
"All dressed up"
Youve surely heard the phrase "all dressed up and nowhere to go"?
I felt that this was appropriate for a number of reasons
-I like play on words
-Im obviously NOT dressed, however;
-Bondage can take a hell of a lot of time to do. You dont just throw a ball of rope at me and BAM, all tied up nice and neat. Despite the fact that this looks a bit sloppy (this was after we were done shooting a different set, where I had more rope on me - the rope in my hand - and we happened to snap a few shots in the hallway for some reason) it took time and skill to put on. Skills that people arent born with or develop overnight. Murphy, the gentleman that rigged this for me has spent years learning how to safely and aesthetically tie chicks up, developing his own personal style, being a badass, etc etc. So even though Im not actually covering any of my "bits" or wearing any clothes, I am in a sense, very dressed up.
-The doorway, the poses: maybe I was about to leave. Maybe I was waiting on someone to come pick me up. Worse, maybe I was stood up, hence the "nowhere to go"
What does all that culminate into? Effort, expectations, hopes, wants...and no outlet, no reciprocation, no dice. Nowhere to go. Disappointment and a hint of loneliness? Maybe.
"well where do you get all those feelings from exactly? I dont feel that when I look at this"
I'll tell you.
You cant see any other part of the hotel room. Its an empty (save for me) hallway.
The shadows imply its dark (it was)
Im leaning on the wall facing away from the camera.
dark...empty...Im obviously not cheesin it at the camera doing leaps of joy... are you starting to get it maybe?
"well why do you have to be tied up to convey that? why the rope? I dont understand bondage"
Personal history: I live my life as a 24/7 owned submissive. What the fuck does THAT mean? A lot, actually, but I'll try to break it down into easily digestible tid bits.
24/7 = all the time. This isnt something I take a break from. This isnt just on saturday nights. Theres no option for "but I have a head ache, I dont feel like it". Its something that I am 100% committed to, live and breathe it, love it with every bit of my being, dont know how to be any other way. It comes as natural to me as breathing.
Submissive = "you mean like your boyfriend spanks you during sex?" well yeah, that too, but no thats not all. Personally, all my life Ive been a people-pleaser. I always sought ways to do something special for the people I cared about. My mom has boxes and boxes of cards and pictures and useless trinkets that I made for her because I thought it was nice and it made her smile. I always wanted to help my family and friends through anything they were struggling with, anything that I COULD do, Id do it. I like showing my loved ones that I love them. I like making sure people know theyre important to me. Words dont seem like enough for me, I have to SHOW them.
How this relates to my personal love/sex life is very simple. I strive to do everything I can to show my significant other that I adore him. I like knowing what he likes, and being able to do/be/give those things without him asking. I like the smile it puts on his face when he knows that I put in effort to do something, went out of my way for something for him. I like making his life easier in little bits here and there. Because it all makes him happy, and the happier he is the happier I am.
We're kinky. Im a submissive, hes a dominant. Whats that mean? He tells me what to do and I do it. "That sounds abusive!" No... because I like to do what he tells me to, it makes ME happy to do it. Theres 9083459837459824985 (im making that up) guys out there that I could be with if I didnt like taking orders from this guy. But I do, so screw them. This is all stuff that I would like to do for him regardless, he just ends his sentences with a period instead of a question mark. Because its hotter when he tells me.
Owned = kind of like "engaged" is one step above "boy/girlfriend" but not quite "married"... "owned" is like...levelling up in my relationship. Its a cute little word we like to use because it makes us feel all serious and shit. And it gets me all hot and bothered when he growls "Mine" into my ear. I like the feeling of belonging, feeling like I have an actual place with someone in some spot of the world, considering that I spend a good deal of my life stumbling and wandering and not really being sure of much. I have a "home" where Im "supposed to be".
What the blueberry fuckmuffins does that have to do with why Im tied up in this photograph? Nothing. This photograph has nothing to do with my boyfriend/dominant/owner/guy, he wasnt there, he didnt tie me up, he didnt take the picture, hes not the guy I was metaphorically "all dressed up" for
Handing over my "ME" card to some guy is not something I just DO like its no big deal. I have the utmost trust in my partner. I HAVE to because Im often putting my physical, emotional, and mental safety in his hands (because I like to). Luckily for me, hes never once given me any reason to doubt that Ive made a good decision.
Like everyone in life though, Ive experienced bad choices in the past. Ive experienced disappointment in people I cared about, Ive had my heart broken, Ive been hurt, betrayed, yadda yadda. Not necessarily in kink, but just in life in general. You put too much of yourself into caring for others and inevitably someones eventually gonna fuck up your feel-goods about the whole thing. Kink also has the potential to be very painful to the head and the heart if you do it wrong.
So, while I dont have a personal LITERAL BONDAGE story to go with the feelings that this piece evokes in me, I can absolutely relate its symbolism to past heartbreaks, and how I felt like I did so much for someone who...forgot to pick me up for our date. I put in a lot of effort, and I had nowhere to go with it, or no one to go with as it were. Sometimes those types of take-take-take relationships can feel trapping, much like being tied up. Those types of people tend to wrap themselves around you and consume you, rather than tangle themselves up in you equally giving and taking, and ultimately appreciating you.
So there you have it. Thats what I think about when I see this photo of myself. I see a lonely disappointed hurt person whos got a lot to give to someone if they would just show up. I see a very prominent point in my life. (that Ive thankfully passed)
Or I just see me pointlessly tied up in a dim hallway, because thats really all it was when we shot it, but whatever.
I hope that for the few who genuinely WANTED to "get it", that helps a little.
Finally, this is why I dont care if you dont "like" my "art".
YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT ANY OF IT MEANS TO ME OR WHY I DID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE
So your opinion REALLY doesnt matter. I never did any of it FOR YOU.